Stop SHOULDING all over yourself

Okay so it's been a hard week. I'm writing this on Sunday and I'm feeling better and ready to begin a new week with fresh energy. But I promised you transparency at the start of this blog and that's what you will get.

There have been such great moments in this hard week and the reality is that you can experience a hard week or day even when you are genuinely happy. I don't think that is talked about enough. We seem to think happiness is waking up freaking pumped about life every single day, but it's not. Some days, yes. But some days, you just want to sleep longer, put DND on, and tune out the world. Escape your problems for a few hours by binge watching shows and movies. Eat comfort foods. Hide away. I am all for that, for a short period of time.

I did just that this week. I couldn't sleep one night because I was awake stressing hard, overthinking, and in order to get myself out of that state of mind, I decided to momentarily escape by watching SexLife on Netflix. I gotta say, that show is so chaotic that it's the PERFECT thing to put on when you just want to silence your thoughts for a bit. The next day when I got home from work at 415 pm, I went right to bed. It's what I needed. I have gotten to a place where I am self aware enough to know what I need in each moment. To know when I need to go inward, when I need to work harder, and when I need a fucking break.

This is your reminder of the importance of knowing yourself enough to be able to give yourself what you need. I didn't want to vent to anyone (despite my Bri guy giving me a lil pep talk on my way home), I didn't want to journal, I just wanted to sleep. I woke up the next day feeling refreshed. I expressed gratitude for the 10+ hours of sleep I got which is INSANE for me considering I never go over 8 hours. This self care gave me the energy I needed to handle yet another hard thing that was unexpected but not surprising on Saturday night.

On the hard days, when you know yourself enough to know what you need in that moment, you give yourself that. I don't recommend using alcohol or going out to be your escape. A part of me wanted a glass of wine Saturday night but I didn't want it so I could enjoy it, I wanted it so I could escape the reality that hit me after having a long conversation with my dad Saturday. You'll be happy to hear, I didn't have a drink. It's okay to binge watch Netflix, to eat comfort food, to go grab food with a friend, to do something that you need to get out of your head. You don't always need to meditate or journal right away. But be sure to journal on where you are at and what you are feeling the next day.

I've learned that there are certain hard days where you just need to get out of the house with your partner and have fun to let go of the stress or sleep it off or watch a crazy good show. Doing that allowed me to still be grounded in gratitude for all the good that has always and will always be good. All that I have in my life, and that makes the hard days just a little bit easier to handle. So yes, me again, telling you to reach for gratitude.

And then there are hard days when you need to just go inward. Call out of work and take the day to slow down, meditate, journal, read a book, listen to a podcast while on a walk, go to the gym, eat really healthy food. This is how you create a balance in your life, by allowing yourself to do what you need to do for yourself without shame or judgement.

AND THEN there are really hard days when you just need to sleep. To just be. To put on that show that helps you get out of your head. To cry, let out all those lent up emotions.

We are constantly "SHOULDing" ourselves to death. I shouldn't have eaten all those snacks. I should have gone for a walk instead of watching another episode of that show. I should have eaten a salad for dinner instead of pasta. I shouldn't have taken that mental health day from work because I feel shame for calling out when I need the money. I shouldn't have laid on the couch all day. I should have done the laundry.

STOP SHOULDING ALL OVER YOURSELF.

No seriously. Who makes these fucking rules? We shame ourselves for taking a freaking break, it's insane. Then we shame spiral and that negativity makes us do more things that we feel shame for. If you would have just eaten that comfort meal and got back on track tomorrow, you wouldn't be feeling like shit right now. But you shamed yourself for doing something that made you feel better in the moment, which put you into a negative spiral, which led you to sabotage yourself by overeating the rest of the week and falling off on your habits.

Take the fucking day off, that job doesn't actually care about you anyway. Spend the day on the couch, unshowered, in your pjs, if that's what you need and don't fucking shame yourself for it. Order take out with your lover because you don't need to freaking cook 24/7. Tomorrow is a new day, you can get right back to the daily grind in the morning. You set yourself up for failure the moment you start feeling bad about doing something that you did to make yourself feel better.