Last night (Saturday night for reference as I am writing this on Sunday) I started to spiral momentarily. I got this wave of emotion, feeling like I haven't been doing enough. I started thinking about how behind I am. Feeling pressured to be in a different position in my career, feeling overwhelmed by financial stress, feeling like I'm late to the game. I felt this wave of emotion in an instant, all these worries and fears came up for me.
It's so ironic because that morning I was just giving a friend of mine a pep talk on ignoring the opinions of others and trusting her gut and her path. I told her to trust in her own timing of what she is creating. As an entrepreneur who is also working a day job just to bring in enough money to get me by while I can work on making my passions my career, it can get discouraging. But then I had this thought this morning, we all feel like we are behind at one point or another.
Whether you are a stay at home mom, you went to college much later than everyone else, you started a business at 30, changed careers at 28, becoming a musician in a world that says it's impossible to accomplish that goal, a recovering addict trying to turn your life around at 30, a single parent trying to make ends meet while also trying to pursue a career, whatever the fuck you are doing right now - I bet at one point or another you have felt like you weren't doing enough, you got overwhelmed, and spiraled a bit.
Stop comparing yourself to everyone else
There's no fucking rule book of life. I get it, sometimes it feels like everyone else is so ahead of you. Sometimes it feels like there's not enough time in a day or a week or month. The days come and go so quickly that you feel like you can't even sit down for a fucking minute to breathe and relax. There's no rule book or time limit on when you can achieve your goals. The whole system you were taught is bullshit. This is why school curriculums need to be revised in a major way. They teach you mostly things you will never need in real life, they tell you the only way is to get good grades (you suck if you don't), graduate high school, go in debt to go right into college (even if you don't know what the fuck you want to do), and get a good paying job in whatever field you majored in. HA! That time line might not be for you and guess what? It doesn't need to be, there's endless opportunities out there.
Anyway, comparison is the thief of joy. Stop comparing your chapter 1 to their chapter 10. Stop scrolling your phone frantically seeing all the accomplishments of the people you follow on Instagram. Their life is not as perfect as they make it seem anyway. Stop focusing on what everyone else is doing and focus on your fucking self. YOU ARE YOUR ONLY COMPETITION. Ditch the shoulds, the coulds, the would have's. I don't give a damn what your mom or your friends or your grandparents think you SHOULD be doing. What do you want to do? Figure that out and then set some small goals that will get you closer to that big one.
TAKE IT EASY. You literally have your entire life ahead of you and no one knows when it's going to be your last day here, so stop fucking worrying about what they want you to do. Show yourself some motherfucking grace. Some of the most successful people in the world didn't gain their major achievements in life until they were in their late 30s and 40s. You got time sis/bro.
Your worth is not dependent on what you accomplish
You get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life because you have been taught that if you are not constantly doing something then you are worth nothing. Contrary to what we are told, your worth has absolutely nothing to do with your career, what you do or don't do for other people, how successful or unsuccessful you currently are, or how many likes you got on that filtered instagram post.
Your worth is literally based solely on who you are at your core. WHO you are not WHAT you are. You determine your worth so stop associating it with your success. If you didn't do the dishes today that doesn't make you a lazy fuck. If you didn't make your kids lunch how these people on TikTok do because you didn't have enough time, your kid literally won't remember a year from now. If you didn't work on your music today even though you SWORE you would, you are not a failure. If you didn't fully draft that new business proposal even though you wrote that you would in your planner, you don't suck just make sure you get it done tomorrow. If you skipped the gym, for the love of God, please do not fat shame yourself for the rest of the day, all progress is not lost. Your worth is based on the person you are internally not whether or not you ate a piece of delicious cake or cooked the best dinner or made the most impact at your job.
This is hard I know, don't think I understand? I began writing my book two years ago and I can feel that some people around me have lost hope or now have doubts on my ability to finish and be as successful as they thought. But guess what? I don't care because I know my worth has nothing to do with that book. But more importantly, I know that book will help so many people once it's published and I have faith the right opportunity from the best publisher will come to me when I'm ready for it.
Despite those days when I feel like shit or those moments when I start to spiral because I started to think about how I am so financially behind a lot of the people around me or because I don't have my podcast up and running yet, or because I don't have a large following YET... I always come back to center. My center where I have full faith in my work, where I can separate my work from my worth, where I know that I don't need to compare their chapter 10 to my chapter 4 because I am both wildly happy for them and already grateful for the opportunities that are on their way to me.
I want that for you. Just know, your worth has nothing to do with your work. Just know that you don't need to have it all figured out all the time. Just know that one bad day doesn't equal out to a bad life, a day is only 24 hours. Just know that there is no timeline that you MUST follow. Just know that there is no rush, no need to worry and fear and be anxious, no need to compare, because your success will come when you are ready for it. So for now, work hard yes, but also show yourself the fucking grace that you deserve.
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