I am all for advice that helps. I'm all for mentorship from someone who is further along on the same goal I have. I am here for coaching from a more experienced individual in whatever it is that I am working towards whether it be inner work, meditation, entrepreneurship, business, writing, getting published, etc.
Notice I said someone who knows more than I do about the thing I'm aiming towards.
But... We all know that a lot of people who tell us what we should do, aren't experts in what we desire to accomplish. So, why do we continue to allow unsolicited advice from people who have literally never done what we are trying to do?
Stop shoulding yourself. Stop allowing other people to continue to tell you what you should or shouldn't do.
There's no right way to do life. There's no perfect map that we need to be following. We are making our journeys so much more difficult by listening to what everyone else believes is best for us.
Ultimately at the end of the day, you know what's best for you. Your problem isn't that you don't know what's best for you. Your problem is that you aren't trusting yourself. You aren't listening to your intuition. And you're most likely taking advice from the wrong people.
I give advice for a living. My purpose in this life is to share what I have learned in hopes of helping others change their lives too. But I do not give advice expecting that people do exactly as I say and I sure as hell don't give advice on something I don't have experience in. Unfortunately, a lot of people in this world believe they know best about, well... everything. Truth is, none of us know everything. If you need some guidance, look for it in people who have lived through what you are living through. Not from your friend who thinks she knows what's best even though she's never actually done what you are working towards.
I have had people tell me I shouldn't curse in my podcast. I curse because that's the real me, the authentic version of myself and I promise my listeners to always show up unapologetically. People laughed at me when I said I was writing a book and others lost hope because I still haven't published it. None of those people who have doubted my writing abilities have ever done anything similar to published a fucking book so they have no clue that even the most established and best non fiction writers sometimes take 5+ years to finish and get published.
Point is, I learned a long time ago to only take guidance from people who have actually done what I am doing. When it comes to working out and getting more fit, I only reach out to people way further on their journey than me.
"Shoulding" all over ourselves is just another way we allow other people to have power over us.
No more.
If I would've listened to all the people who told me I shouldn't do something that I knew in my heart I was meant to do, I wouldn't have ever started my podcast or wrote my book or quit past jobs or found my purpose.
This is your life to be lived. Live it based on your own standards, your own rules. Allow yourself space to change and grow and evolve. Set boundaries with the people you have in your life and let them know you know what's best for you and you will go to them if you ever need advice. Respectfully let them know that you got this and that you cannot hold space for their fears about what you are doing with your life. Ask them to trust that you will go to them if you need help with something you feel they could assist you with.
Be willing to fail. Be willing to get back up and try again. Be willing to try 1000 different opportunities in order to find what you are passionate about and when you find that thing that lights your soul on fire, pursue it fiercely and unapologetically.
Even on the hard days, the days when I don't get as many listeners as I'd hoped on an episode, the days when literally no one supports my work (yes, even the people that love me & hint: it happens more than you'd think), when my inspirational post only gets 3 likes, the video I worked hard on only gets 100 views... On the worst and most difficult days of this entrepreneurial journey, I am passionate about what I do. I keep going because despite the fears that others might have towards what I'm doing and despite their doubts and despite the lack of support... I fucking love doing this. I can feel it in every ounce of my being that I am meant to achieve these goals no matter how long it takes or how many detours or roadblocks I hit along the way.
If no one else has told you this lately, I am proud of you. I'm proud of you for trying new things. I'm proud of you for being brave enough to suck at something long enough to get good at it. I'm proud of you for posting the content even if it only gets 3 likes and doing the work even if whatever you are doing only benefits one single person. And let this be your reminder to keep going. To decide you don't are no longer holding space for other peoples negative opinions, fears, and doubts. Your reminder that if you believe in you, if you believe in what you are doing - the rest will fall into place as it's meant to. And above all else, if you feel like no one is supporting you right now - I want you to know from the depths of my heart, I support you.
As always,
Have great fucking day and remember, you are entirely up to you.
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