I am so excited to be entering into motherhood. Recently, I found out that I am having a baby girl and there's no words to describe how grateful I am to have the opportunity to raise a girl. Intuitively, I had a knowing that she was a girl but doubts crept in because my husband has all brothers and his brother had a boy. Let this be all of our reminder to trust your gut, no matter what. Your inner knowing is never wrong.
Raising a little girl is a dream come true and in total transparency, embarking on this journey is going to be so healing for my inner child. I grew up in a household with all men living with my dad, pop, and brother. I dressed like a tomboy for the longest time. I had more masculine energy than feminine, especially growing up in philly. My brother used to beat me up, literally, and I'm sure that played a role in me suppressing my femininity as a kid. I didn't have a good relationship with my mom until later on in life and that feminine motherly connection was something I unknowingly needed. (Side note: we have a great relationship now and that makes me so happy. My mom has been the only constant in both me and Brian’s life the past 2 years. We are so grateful for that).
I cannot wait to give that to my baby girl. Being pregnant has only amplified my desire to be my best self. To show up with my best energy, to bring light and love into the world. Since getting pregnant I have doubled down on my boundaries and got even more clear on what I do and don't want in my life. I have also been shown that I need to do a better job of being a light in all areas of my life, even the most challenging parts. I am grateful to see myself and others so much clearer now since getting pregnant. Really leaning into everything I want for us and stepping away from anything (or anyone) that doesn't align.
Where I'm from, people pop out babies left and right. Some have multiple baby fathers who they are not in a relationship with. Most people aren't married or engaged. It's just not as common in the neighborhood that I am from to get married and then have kids. No judgement on those who have that experience but I always knew I wanted to be married before having kids. More importantly, I wanted to be at a certain level on my healing and transformation journey before bringing a tiny human into the mix. I always said, generational curses end with me.
Truth is, you're never really ready. But there are most definitely things you can do to prepare your mind, body, and soul. Trust me, ya girl has been working through so much of my traumas these last few years. Being on this growth journey for 6/7 years before getting pregnant really helped me be as ready as I can be. Having a solid morning routine and personal development practices has helped me ease into motherhood. Knowing who I am and being confident was a non-negotiable for me before getting pregnant.
I am grateful that I have had years and years of doing the internal work on myself before becoming a mama. It's all happening as it's meant to and I truly do know that to be true. One thing I have noticed is that everyone has advice to get mamas to be and most of the time that advice is filled with fear and negativity.
"You think you're tired now? Just wait until the baby gets here"
"You think you're still going to have time for yourself? Just wait you will see"
"You're not going to be able to go to the gym anymore"
"Don't tell anyone until _____ weeks just in case"
"Date nights won't be a thing anymore, so spend time with your hubby now"
I could keep going but I won't. Here's what I will say... THEIR EXPERIENCE DOESN'T NEED TO BE YOUR EXPERIENCE. Just because they don't make time for themselves because they have a baby, doesn't mean you can't. Just because they don't prioritize their relationship with their partner doesn't mean you won't. Just because they don't go anywhere or do anything without their child, doesn't mean you have to live that way.
Don't let people project their fears and negativity onto you. Your experience as a mom or dad will be whatever you make it. Prioritizing yourself will make you a better parent. Giving all of yourself to your baby and leaving nothing for yourself will make you resent your kids and leave you feeling burnt out and miserable. Do you think it's beneficial for your kids to see you put yourself on the back burner all the time? What kind of example are you setting for them by doing that? That's what I say to anyone who tells me what I can't or won't be able to do anymore one my baby is here.
Becoming a mom is only amplifying my need for boundaries with people and in turn, I am caring less about how they will react to those boundaries. What's most important to me is being the best version of myself so that i can be the best mama I can be. Which means, setting firm boundaries is so much easier for me now. Saying no to being in environments that I don't feel welcomed in is effortless now. Saying no to being around people that have bad energy or negative vibes is no longer difficult.
Having a baby is the most magical and magnificent experience ever. I am soaking in every second of pregnancy. I'll admit it sucks to feel so exhausted all the time. I truly never experienced this level of tiredness in my life but after learning about what my body is doing every day for the baby, it makes total sense why I'm so tired all the time. Your girl is taking naps nearly everyday and pre-pregnancy I was NOT a napper. I am used to doing all the things all the time so growing a human is teaching me how to sloooowwww all the way down.
I'll admit slowing down so much has my fears and doubts popping up. That fear of failure is powerful, let me tell ya. It's difficult going from creative energy full force to nearly no creative energy at all as an entrepreneur. But that's life right? We always need to go through the motions and some period of our lives require us to slow down for a while. Learning to embrace this pace has been eye opening for sure.
Ironically, we only had a boy name picked out that we decided on back in 2020. The last few days after finding out the gender I have created a list of names but none that I love yet. For a girl, it's not as easy for me to settle on a name. I want something strong and powerful yet feminine. Your name is such a big piece of who you are so I'll be searching for the name that feels right these next few weeks.
I'm pumped to share this journey with you as I step into my mama era.
I have a newfound appreciation for moms all over.
Next week I will come back to blog about all that I have learned about pregnancy this far and how contrary to what we are most often taught, pregnancy and the actual labor itself doesn't have to be a hard experience.
Until next week just remember - whether you are a mama or not - don't allow people to speak their fears into your plans. Your life experiences don't have to look anything like theirs and often... Your life will look wildly different. You are who you decide to be and your life is only as good as you make it.
XX,
Dana
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