Grief

We can experience grief in so many different forms. Whether you lost someone you love because they passed away or because timing wasn't right or because you took two different paths in life. Maybe you're grieving a life you once had. Maybe you're grieving a person who is still here but is lost in a drug addiction.

Grief is sneaky, it's tricky. One minute you feel like you're truly healing and you're feeling so much better, then you smell a certain scent and it all comes back to you. A flood of emotions come over you. Grief is something that's not talked about enough. It's a touchy subject because truth is, grief is different for everyone.

My advice to you my friend, if you are grieving, it to allow yourself to feel all of what is happening inside of you. Don't suppress it. Don't try to hide it. Don't run from it. Let it be what it is. Let it run its course naturally, without force. It is okay to not be okay right now. There's no time frame on when you will feel better and there doesn't need to be. How I handle grief is most likely wildly different than how you do and how someone else does.

This blog isn't to tell you what to do or how to handle it. This blog is just me letting you know that you are not alone in this, no matter how lonely it can feel. I do however recommend therapy, no matter how many people you have supporting you. A therapist can work wonders for your mental health. I truly believe everyone in the world should be in therapy. Navigating grief is the most profoundly difficult experience in this life and you don't need to do it alone.

Grief looks different for everyone. Grief can cause us to sabotage our lives, push our people away, isolate ourselves. Grief can become a permanent dark cloud over your life, but there are endless resources out there to help and all I ask is that you pick one to help you. Make just one commitment to find a therapist or a support group.

On some days the best you have to give will be just taking a shower. Just getting out of bed long enough to wash yourself off. That's okay. Don't beat yourself up in these moments. Show yourself the grace you need right now. You are experiencing great loss and allowing yourself to feel everything that you need to feel is crucial in your healing process. I know healing might seem so far in the distance, but I promise you will get there. Just take it one step at a time, nothing more.

I wrote this quote in my book that I want to share with you. I wrote this quote when I was grieving and watching someone I love so deeply grieve and not being able to do anything about it:

"Grief comes in waves like the ocean. Some days the water is vicious and the waves can drown you. Other days, the water is calm and you’re able to float on your back and become one with the ocean. On the days when the waves are above you and your head is under water because the ocean is pulling you down, I want you to fight to make your way to the top. You have got to put all your effort, all of your energy, give it all you got. And when you get there, just keep your head above the water and breathe until the sun sets and rises again. A new day will bring new waves in the ocean and if you’re lucky, you might even be able to swim like an Olympian because you found your will to live again today, until tomorrow." - I wrote this quote 2 years ago almost to the exact date.

Maybe you are loving someone that is grieving right now. All I can tell you is to be patient. Everyone's grieving process is different and it can get ugly. On the hardest days, just be there for them in silence. Just be, with them. Your words can't heal their pain and on their darkest days, they might try to push you away, but that's when they need you most. Words aren't always needed, sometimes just being there in silence for them, is everything they need.

The healing process has no time limit. It will take a lot of work and effort towards healing this wound and I hope you are patient with yourself. I hope you have people in your life that are patient as well. When you start to see some light, I want you to reach for it. In any way that you can. Reach for that light in the dark tunnel. Crawl until you can walk again. Walk until you can run again. Find small things that bring you joy, even if they don't bring you joy yet, do them anyway.

Don't allow fear to stop you from letting your emotions out, even if you're in public. Allow yourself to feel. Healing is impossible if you never let yourself feel what's going on inside. When you are ready, just begin again. I know it's like learning to live all over again. Learning to be, all over again. Learning to love all over again. Learning to have fun and experience joy all over again. There's no rush but I also encourage you not to wallow in the pain. Allow it to surface, but don't drown in it forever.

Take it day by day, moment by moment. You don't need to worry about tomorrow, today is all you got. I want you to know I see you, I feel you, and I have so much empathy for what you are experiencing. You are strong, in fact, you are resilient. You will get through this, not over it, but through it. You will learn to live again, even if it feels impossible right now, you will. I am sending you all the love and prayers for whatever you or someone you know is going through. I am rooting for you.