For those who don't know, I am 23 weeks pregnant with my first baby. Come November/December I will be a mama of a baby girl, Emersyn Rose. I've always known I wanted to be a mom and not just because motherhood is what has always been expected of women. No. I wanted to be a mom because family has always been of high value for me. Raising children and ending generational traumas is a major part of my life's journey.
My husband and I are fortunate to have gotten pregnant not long after trying and we couldn't be more excited to embark on this new journey of parenthood together. Finding a newfound and even deeper love (we didn’t think it was possible to love each other more than we already did) for each other along the way.
Pregnancy is truly magical. The mere fact that women can create human life inside of us blows my mind every single day. With every kick, every flutter, each movement, I am amazed. There's nothing like being pregnant and it's funny because I thought I knew what it would be like but there's simply no words that could truly describe this experience. I am in awe of women even more than ever before. I am inspired by the power we have to be able to create tiny humans and I will never not be empowered by this.
I have been so present in my pregnancy. Taking in every moment. Soaking in all the firsts. Documenting as much as I can (really as often as I remember because to my surprise pregnancy brain is a real thing). It's been a wild yet profoundly beautiful 23 weeks. I am grateful for this gift.
I am blessed to have done research about pregnancy and birth because in America (I can't speak on anywhere else) we are not properly taught about everything we need to know. Pregnancy is largely treated as a medical condition and not often recognized for the truly spiritual experience that it is. We are basically just told, take prenatals, come to your 4 week visits, and try to eat mostly healthy avoiding certain foods. But in my research, I learned so much more. The foods that provide the baby with essential nutrients and vitamins, birth centers and how giving birth doesn't have to be scary like we're often taught, how C-Sections and epidurals are not the norm and often are done in non-emergency situations that are deemed emergency because of outdated studies... I could go on forever.
Point is, there's so much more to pregnancy and birth than what we are taught. Your pregnancy experience actually greatly impacts what your postpartum experience will be like. More on that in a later blog. But pregnancy is truly this spiritual, magnificent experience and if I hadn't done my own research I wouldn't have learned all I know now.
As much as I love this journey, there's also some parts that have been really hard. Pregnancy can feel lonely at times. Your husband's body stays the same, his hormones generally stay the same, his life doesn't change as much until the baby is actually born. In my case, I don't really have any friends that are currently pregnant. I don't have a lot of family. I don't have people checking in on me or seeing if I need anything. One thing about me is that I love being alone, unlike a lot of people I know, I am super comfortable doing things by myself. But since getting pregnant, I have felt loneliness creep up for me and it's been challenging to navigate.
After you bring this little human into the world,
you will never not be a mom again. You lose apart of yourself in that process as you become new. I’ll admit, it’s a bittersweet realization. I’ve wanted to be a mom for so long and I feel excited but I also feel sad for the part of me that I’m letting go of. It’s important to honor both sides of it.
Your hormones while pregnant are all over the place. Some days are really good and some I have no energy to do anything. The hardest part for me has been the lack of energy. There are many days where I can't even do half of what I usually accomplish or get done in day. As someone who is an entrepreneur in a very creative industry that requires focus and inspiration, this has been a huge adjustment. Imposter syndrome has come knocking on my door more than once during these 23 weeks so far which is something I haven't had to face in a long time. You start to feel like you're behind, you're falling off track, you get stuck in your head with your limiting beliefs.
This isn't talked about enough. In pregnancy there are sacrifices you need to make. I feel different not in a sense of feeling like I'm losing myself because I have done so much work that has helped me on this journey not lose myself but there are days when I don't feel like me. The days when the energy is low, my husbands worked overtime all week, the house is messier than usual, there's no food cooked and I have no energy to cook anything, little to no drive because of the fatigue, mixed emotions from the hormone rises and drops. There's so much that we endure as women during pregnancy.
Not to mention, your pregnancy experience (what you put into your body, what you do or don't do for yourself, stress/anxiety levels) determines what your postpartum experience will be like. There's a lot of pressure as a pregnant woman that I wasn't totally prepared for even after all the research I have done.
This is why it feels lonely. You feel like no one understands. A lot of the time your husband has no clue what you're going through and in my case, he works so much it makes things harder on me sometimes. If you don't have a big family or friend group, you might not have the support you really need. When it comes to your job or your work, most of the time, being pregnant won't change your responsibilities. Meanwhile you are literally growing ORGANS! That will forever blow my mind.
So yes... Pregnancy is magical, beautiful, and absolutely divine. I have never felt stronger or more empowered in my life. But there's also some aspects of carrying your baby that makes life difficult and isolates you a bit.
Here's what I'm doing to keep my identity and my authenticity:
My morning ritual of journaling, meditating, gratitude, intention setting, and goal setting
I go to the gym 5 days a week, this has become a lifestlye for me and it's a major component of me staying healthy on a mind-body-soul level. I am following a pregnancy program in the app I used pre-pregnancy
Doing things that bring me joy like taking beach trips when I can, going for walks in nature, having a yummy mocktail, etc
I take naps... Yep, that's right. I rest when my body and my baby need me to rest. Pregnancy fatigue can be intense and resting without guilt (mostly without guilt) has been huge for me
Being honest and real sharing how I am feeling with myself, with my husband, and even with my community aka you
Documenting my pregnancy journey through video as much as I can
These are just some of what I'm doing to keep being me. I don't want to lose myself in pregnancy or lose my own identity becoming a mama. It's really easy to fall into what society says we should do: sarifice everything for motherhood. Society tells us that our needs no longer matter once we bring children into the world.
What I have learned through many mothers before me, a lot of whom are in my field, that's not best practice. If mama is not happy, there's just no way she can be the best mama to her baby. If mama is feeling drained and her cup is always empty, it's not possible for her to show up as her best self for her baby.
When you as a mom are doing things to fill your cup up, that's when you are able to be the best mom you can be. I see so many posts from moms saying "Oh it's normal for moms to run on E for their families. Moms are built different". I'm here to be so real with you and the reality is that is a bullshit outdated way of living. It's fact, not opinion, that you cannot be the best mom you can be if you are not filling your own cup up.
I will be going back to the gym after birth as soon as I'm cleared. I will be having my morning ritual every single day. I will do what I need to do to fill my cup up because I know that's the only way I can be the best version of me and the best mama to my emmy girl.
I'll end with this...
If you're pregnant or you're a new mama with your first - don't let people project their negative experiences onto you. I am quite honestly sick of people telling me "Oh you're tired now, just wait til she gets here" or "Oh you think you're going to be doing all that self care when she gets here? HA" or "This is what you need to do and here's what you shouldn't do"... People love to tell first time moms they have no idea what it will be like. But here's the thing... The reality is that every person is different. Each mama is in a different chapter of her life. Every baby will be different. Which inevitably means that their experience may be wildly different from yours.
I am all for advice when I ask for it. I only ever ask people for advice that I know won't project negativity onto me but will always share their true experience. Look, I get it. Becoming a mama is HARD. It won't be all sunshine and rainbows. That's a no-brainer. We all know that. I don't need anyone projecting their fears and negativity on me and neither do you. I did so much research before and since becoming a mom. I will continue to seek out resources to help guide me on this new journey. I encourage you to do the same. Just be cautious on who you seek advice from and don't be afraid to set BOUNDARIES!
There's so many beautiful and some difficult moments of this profound journey. I will continue to share what I've learned and my experience with you. Just know, yours may look different than mine and that's more than okay.
XX,
Dana
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