Nothing is more freeing than coming home to yourself

I have this insatiable hunger to learn, to grow, to become an even better version of ME. Not to be a different person, just a BETTER version of MYSELF. Even more than that, I am passionate about teaching others to step into their own power, into their best selves. But I know that in order to teach that I must lead by example.

As an enneagram 8 I’m a natural leader. In all of my work I carry the same promise, I'll always lead as the truest version of me. I share my vulnerabilities. I say things that most people think but are afraid to say. I share my mistakes, my failures, the darkest times in my life. All with one goal... Scratch that... One mission in mind: To teach people that whoever they really are at their core, whatever that version of themselves looks like, that's the best version. The messy, unpolished, quirky version - that's the one they should let shine. I'm on a mission to lead a community to harnessing their inner power but in order to be successful on such a massive mission, I must talk about the hard truths and share the hard moments.

I was always labeled “bossy” as a child , as if this was something to be ashamed of. Told I was too loud. Made to believe I was wrong for having so many questions, for wanting to know things. Called out for being “too much” when I was just showing up as myself in rooms of people who wanted me to be smaller, quieter, less opinionated so that they didn’t feel uncomfortable because my authenticity brought up their own insecurities that they projected onto me. I was made to feel like I needed to be smaller in order to be worthy. Smaller to ensure I didn't make anyone uncomfortable.

Maybe this is why I have this strong intuitive desire for freedom because for some years of my life, I felt like I couldn't be me because it got me in trouble or disliked or outcasted or made fun of. In high school I played into this narrative. I put on this facade. I made myself smaller to make other people more comfortable. But my true self always peaked through. She kept pushing to come out. I felt like I was in a constant internal battle that showed externally. Stuck in this place of trying to be someone else because I wanted people to like me while having this constant desire to just be me.

In my early childhood years I was fully me, as children we are usually authentic by nature. But as the years go by we adopt the beliefs and the thoughts and the fears of the authority figures in our lives and the other people we meet along the way. After having grown up in fishtown where I knew everyone, I was thrust into a completely different environment in 8th grade. One that was the opposite of where I am from. From Philly to the burbs. From knowing every person in the neighborhood, to this school where I knew no one.

A school where high schoolers drove Ferraris, porches, BMWs, Mercedes Benz to school. A school full of kids who grew up in a much more civilized and privileged environment. More sheltered. I felt like a complete outsider, I hated that school. I hated feeling like I was completely alone. Even after making lots of friends the first few years, in the pit of my stomach something always felt off. Because it was. Because I didn't fit and deep down, I didn't want to fit. I could pretend all day with these people but every time my head hit that pillow, every time I stepped in the door to the house I lived in... I was faced with myself. Living like this in such a crucial point in my life caused a major disconnect between me and my inner self.

Eventually I couldn't play into this fake, warped persona I was putting on. I couldn't bare to live another day as that watered down version of me. I was done playing the part. Not only was I alone at school but I was alone at home too. My family was broken. I had no safe place and unfortunately I found comfort in the most uncomfortable place... An abusive relationship with a narcissist who I allowed to take hold of me mentally until I didn't even know who I was anymore. I lost myself. My sense of identity. I became angry and resentful which lead me down a dark road for years before I came home to myself.

I tell you all of this in todays blog because I want you to see that you can be so far from your true self and still find your way back. It doesn't matter how lost you get or for how long, there's always a road leading back to you. The truest, weirdest, wildest - rawest - version of you. And I can promise you one thing... True freedom lies in showing up as you. Nothing is more freeing than coming home to yourself.

In order to do that, you must realize the undeniable power you have within yourself. When I was in the darkest years of my life, I didn't know I was powerful. I didn't know I was a badass. I didn't know that I could do anything I wanted to do, all I needed to do first was step into my inner power. To realize that everything I was searching for outside of myself was actually inside of me already. All the love I yearned for, the acceptance, the validation... I realized that I could give myself all of that.

In order to do that, I had to embrace this truth: I am not for everyone and that is okay. Oh man, was this hard. Our ego just craves attention and love and praise from everyone. But our souls crave self love, self care, connection with our higher power, and connection with others. True connection is derived from two or more people who bond through authenticity and vulnerability.

Once I connected with my true self and started to show up as her as best as I can every day that's when I stopped caring so much about fitting in, about being likable to everyone. It's been a long road back home to myself and sharing the version of me with the world is not always easy, but holy fuck it's worth it. I let go of this idea that I need to alter who I am to please other people. I let go of my people pleasing tendencies more and more every year.

Maybe you find yourself showing up as a watered down version of yourself or maybe you're finally sick of bullshiting, sick of pretending, sick of trying to be perfect. Maybe you're ready to just be you, whatever that looks like. Maybe you crave freedom too. You're reading this blog for a reason. The universe supports us in ways that we often brush off as coincidence but I believe you were guided to read this today because you needed it.

So please hear me...

Find your way back home to yourself. Be weird. Be wild. Be bold. Be loud. Be assertive. I don't care... Just be you. Be unequivocally, unapologetically... Y O U.

When you start showing up in this world as you. When you let go of the ego driven need to be cool, be instagram worthy, be perfect, fit in, you open the door to freedom. When you realize that the love you have been searching for is right inside you, you can just show up as yourself. There's this magical thing that happens when you take off the mask you have been wearing for the world... You start to take care of yourself on a deeper level. Self care goes from just taking bubble baths to taking care of your mind, body, and soul. You begin to attract people, opportunities, and blessings that have been meant for you all along. Things start to shift in your favor. Life starts to get better. You become happier. Things start to flow naturally.

Are you ready to come home to yourself?

If so... Go look in a mirror right now and see yourself, your true self. Look directly in your eyes and say out loud "I love you _____". Commit to traveling this road back home to you by loving yourself in every and any way. Little by little. Day by day.

Learn to look in the mirror and smile at your reflection. Learn to be fully, completely, you by: laughing loud, feeling the fear to go against status quo and doing it anyway, speaking up for yourself and your beliefs, singing or dancing if that's what you're into... Own your space. You deserve to hold space for yourself, your REAL self.

In a world full of people hopping on the same trends, wearing the same clothes, listening to the same music, talking the same... Dare to be different. Dare to be yourself. To like whatever it is that you like. Dress however YOU want to dress. Talk as loud or as quiet as you want. Ask all the questions. State your opinion even if you think others might not agree. Say no to things you don't want and hell yes to whatever you do want.

You are the main character in your own story not just a sub character in their. Come home to yourself.

XX,

Dana